today i wrote an email to my ex.. the love .. i hope she rediscovers herself..


Hey babe,,,
an old good friend of mine sent this to me..
you know ill always be here for you..
i know im not dead in your heart..
i know you love me.. i know ill love you .. the real you for all my life..
ive always seen you as a strong independent person..
now i see you as maybe so frail .. so weak and your reaching in all the wrong places..
i hope you stop once in making such decisions in your life and follow your heart like you once did...

you think you've changed.. but your the same and i will never really see this fake person your trying to be...
its good to have found god.. so have i ... but i found him way earlier in my life..
i dont have a bible because of different reasons..

but i ask myself everyday. how could i have lost my best friend.. the love of my life..
my spark .. a person i could feel wonderful and so complete with...

i probably will never know the answers to these questions ..
well maybe if you realize what i and mirna and your sister.. and even your parents are trying to tell you..
and if you realize it hopefully ill still be around..
who knows..


i know the guy promised you alot of things..
i always thought you were better than that.. following your heart .. and if you know by previous examples and previous boyfriends .. and anything any example that you've heard about relationships.. then you would know what i am talking about..
there is no love.. and im sadened more and more everyday baby..
how could i lose my soul to this..
i also heard you were thinking about getting married earlier than what was originally scheduled ...


why?.. you dont even know the guy..
i made you laugh so many times...now you make me cry ..

i do not wanna lose you as a friend..
and i dont want to lose contact with you..

your reality might hit you harder one day .. harder than what i was hit with 2 months ago..
i love you with all my heart.. take care..



> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >Of all the friends I've ever met,
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >You're the one I won't forget.
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >And if I die
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >Before you do
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >I'll go to heaven
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >And wait for you
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >I'll give the angels
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >Back their wings
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >And risk the loss
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >Of everything
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >Just to prove
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >My friendship is true
> > >> > >> > > > > > > > >I'm thankful to have family and friends like
> > >>you

...............................
i dunno things are feeling better..

i want to send a shout out to my bitch edgar.. and yes i own his dead rat.. both of them
"Hey fag.. i stuffed her bitch ass.. wait .. their bitch asses.... fucker!"
ahh yes . feel much better..
shook that fly off my shoulder!..lol

....................................
yes i know you guys might be tired about hearing me talk about my ex..
but it truly sucks and hurts alot when your soul is depleted.. and so empty.
but anyways..
today i played some HALO after work..got home around 1:30 .. and wrote emails...
thought about life..
still alot i have to do in my lifetime..
i started thinking the other day..
they call davis high school and marshall middle.. "the pride of the northside.."
i think they have been fool of it.
i hope to become one of the few which has and can live up to that saying..
i have big plans for my city.. my town... she loves me.. and i love her back even though just like a real woman .. im sometimes scared of her
ohh and yes..the guitar is really hard to play

hey guys.. funny how my life and these krazy situations i happen to get myself into..
ok ... my sister didnt want to move her car so i could go to work today..( she was blocking mine)
so she told me to take it.. ok fine whatever..
so work was pretty boring. im so happy when i get off cus im kinda tired..
so i hit up the freeway.
some guy cut me off or i cut him off...first of all he is driving an old pontiac minivan...
over by where 45 north and 610 meet.(i live in houston so you guys who dont know.. well .. too bad.. lol)..
and so he is yelling or something at me..and he chases me down all the way to exit 45 and parker.. i do a u turn .. he still is chasing me.. im like WTF.. and so i finally lose him when i do another u turn to go back to parker.. but he is still after me.. i think he saw a cop at parker so he might have slowed down or some shit

i thought he had a gun

i was scared for a bit
all of this cus i took my sisters huge stupid car to work
and she wouldnt move her car when i had to leave
not that that im blaming her... its just i wouldnt have such a huge blind spot.. compared to a big car..

but anyways.. yes these little things led to the huge one..

umm. ohh and another heartbreak inside of me..
some relative of my ex.. told me that ana moved in with that guy..
fucked up part is that she also mentioned speaking to her other sister ... and ana had confessed to her..

she said that ana said that she loved me.. and i was the one she wants..

this will surely haunt me till i die..

i love ana so much ...
i wish i could help her..
she always brightened my day .. no matter if i had some stupid shit like this happen to me.

unfortunately .. i dont think anyone knows where she and he live now.... i know your alone inside girl and thats what scares me...
i know how it is not to really have someone to talk to for so long.. i know you need someone to confide in...
i am trying to regain that myself.. i am lost .. but im trying and i hope you will too..
i love you since i met you .. we were best friends ever since.. i love you now and forever,...
i will miss you for the rest of my life if you end up doing something that i know youll regret..
i still believe in fairy tales.. i know deep inside you do too......dont tell me you dont..cus i know thats why we as human beings are here..
and you are and i wish you would understand i was yours and you were mine..

the only advice my dad ever really gave me was "Son .. there is time for everything"
this means to me that your rushing and trying to runaway from your problems..
we could still try and sort all this out..
use your heart and soul .. dont make decisions now that surely will overcome you later and you might wish you never might have done ...


take care everyone..
it really hurts when your empty inside..

i hope your not baby...
love you