so chance to kick it with friends.. or be alone.
chose alone. dont know why. I guess I enjoy the silence.
Fear of their despise is not there. Antisocial . maybe. But it doesnt phase me,
Such a lonely way. But do I care. Not bothered by the shy train of thought.
Being humble. because they were never there most of the time.
So years later i return their favor.
Despite the pressure of having to do something cus someone said to.
Peer issues have no claim on me.
Is that a way you treat a real friend.
The best is in me.
True homies dont care and are there for ya. Never despise you.
I thought i lost what I didnt have to begin with.
Now I see, these cowards only care when they need ya.
I keep my distance even though they show me love.
Is this being shady.
Maybe it is. I wish we never grew up . Maybe its cus we are too old for these games now.
Im sorry i can't be there in person.
But my mind isnt here.
Not even the good lord helps me find my way.
Its a shame but the truth hurts.
and its the loneliest road i can take.

i am worn out... real badly
mentally
physically (mostly to lack of sleep)
morally
and my nerves are very frail.
i do not wanna end up like some people that dont care.. or act like they dont care...
i despise people who live in the now... and in the yeah its whatevers... type of mentallity..
i despise posers
i despise people who care too much
i despise people who cant enjoy things...
i despise people with extremely so much faith. .
i despise quitters...
i hate everything listed up above

and yet .. i look at myself in a different point of view.. .
and i am no better
does this mean i hate what i stand for .. who i am and what i have become
what about the future...
life is funny on how one views it... .
change
does this mean you leave things behind and attempt a change...
how would you know its the right thing to do
what would be the Wrong thing to do...
do these conditions of what i hate/ despise limit to what i will become.
will i be what i hate.. .
life is anything you make of it in the end.. . despite what you become or believe. .
i guess if one works hard he can do anything
i guess this means at this point in time
i do not like who i am
i guess i hate who i represent/act like/ have beliefs in/ rely on / people i surround myself with
all in all bottom line is yes one can hate themselves
i am one of these fortunate souls
but difference is i will work hard against it. . .
love yourself does not mean to
literally love yourself ):-p
or think your better
it simply means state of balance within yourself
more importantly the one thing i am far away from within myself



peace

So it took 2 phone calls from myself
and several from my neighbors to shut my next door neighbor the fuck up.
Obviously as some retarded wetback wanna bee mexicans they dont understand english when the cops are screaming at them in the ear.
But how could one not understand the importance of respect towards your neighbors
i have no respect for them at all. It had been about a few months since we get any sleep on a saturday night. And i was so happy the police officer took those guys out , and punked them onto the middle of street and called them out in front of the whole neighborhood but most importantly their own friends. what a bunch of bitches.
anyways after having one of their dogs come into my yard and almost kill mine. or the fact that they have another pit bull they have, drags around a 10 pound chain around his neck(im guessing to make him stronger or for training purposes to chase down cats???@@@!)
or the fact that i think the dog is depressed because no one visits him and he wakes me up at 2 am with the sound of him hitting his head against his water bowl or dragging that damn thing around for who knows how fucking long. and trust me i hear that shit at midnight
1 am
2 am
3 am
4 am
5 am
5:01 am
5:02 am
and so on.
i do not know about the rest of my neighbors (some are moving out by the way) but i am tired of having no sleep and bags under my eyes
im out . peace . literally